This is for 12 team leagues, $200 budget. If your fantasy football league has a different number of teams, just adjust proportionately (If you have 10 teams, which is 1/6 less than 12, then lower every value by 1/6).
Updated August 30
| RANK | QB | VALUE | NOTE |
| 1 | Aaron Rodgers, GB | 30 | Paying over $30 for a top QB is like paying $2 for a good-looking $1 bill |
| 2 | Tom Brady, NE | 29 | The rotating family of receivers reminds me of the Brady Bunch, if that football had given Marcia a concussion and then Gisele told the media about it |
| 3 | Drew Brees, NO | 28 | The last of the tier 1 QB mountain. Touch the void, fantasy football drafters! |
| 4 | Matt Ryan, ATL | 17 | Ryan averages over 4,000 yards for his nine seasons, the missing piece of the fantasy puzzle has always been touchdowns |
| 5 | Jameis Winston, TB | 15 | As smooth and deadly as a pack of actual Winstons |
| 6 | Kirk Cousins, WAS | 14 | Confused about the surname “Cousins.” People’s last names are usually based on professions, so I guess his lineage was just super into nepotism |
| 7 | Marcus Mariota, TEN | 14 | Poised for a breakout year |
| 8 | Russell Wilson, SEA | 12 | If I read the first names vertically I get “Marcus Russell,” as a Raiders fan this triggers PTSD |
| 9 | Phillip Rivers, SD | 8 | When you have 8 defenders, you don’t fear pressure, but instead, welcome the potential sweet release of concussion damage |
| 10 | Andrew Luck, IND | 5 | I want to say, “you can’t depend on Hilton for a career if you are perpetually messed up” but Nicole Richie did it, so… |
| 11 | Ben Roethlisberger, PIT | 5 | Don’t hop on the fantasy football hype train, Big Ben has never had more than 32 touchdowns in a single season |
| 12 | Derek Carr, OAK | 4 | Carr already has 16 more touchdowns than his brother threw in 10 seasons |
| 13 | Cam Newton, CAR | 4 | Newton’s great seasons have always been propped up by his rushing touchdowns. His down seasons were propped up by whatever splint was supporting his broken ribs |
| 14 | Matthew Stafford, DET | 3 | Over 4,200 yards for 6 straight seasons, but never more than 32 touchdowns |
| 15 | Dak Prescott, DAL | 2 | Prescott was 4th in completion percentage, last year, besides legends Matt Ryan, Drew Brees, and… Sam Bradford? |
| 16 | Andy Dalton, CIN | 1 | I expect Dalton to throw a lot, as his offensive line won’t hold long enough for him to hand the ball off |
| 17 | Carson Wentz, PHI | 1 | Wentz was 4 for 4 for 56 yards and a touchdown in his first preseason games. Based on last year’s attempts, I have no problem predicting his preseason trend will continue, giving him a season total of 8,500 yards and 150 touchdowns |
| RANK | RB | VALUE | NOTE |
| 1 | David Johnson, ARI | 68 | David Johnson had 2,000 combined yards in 2016. We’ve all collectively agreed to ignore his severe week 17 injury, which means it never existed |
| 2 | Le’Veon Bell, PIT | 65 | Slightly worse prospects then DJ, but consider taking Le’Veon first just for all the team name pun possibilities |
| 3 | LeSean McCoy, BUF | 55 | McCoy averaged a whopping 5.4 yards per carry in 2016, the most of his lengthy career |
| 4 | Devonta Freeman, ATL | 52 | Trying to decide if Freeman + Coleman for ~70 is a sweet deal |
| 5 | DeMarco Murray, TEN | 49 | Grab this guy, grab Henry, and get a top 6 back every week for the price of a top 2 RB |
| 6 | Leonard Fournette, JAX | 40 | Jags gonna have him stand near Bortles and just rip the ball away if ever Blake tries to pass |
| 7 | Melvin Gordon, SD | 40 | High upside, high potential for breakdown with no real backup |
| 8 | Jordan Howard, CHI | 40 | You’ll find FootballAbsurdity is high on top running backs. If you’re in a league that lets a top 8 back go for under 40, your in a really bad league and don’t need our help to win. |
| 9 | Jay Ajayi, MIA | 38 | Wheels are coming off Miami as preseason injuries mount |
| 10 | Ezekiel Elliott, DAL | 36 | Will miss half the fantasy football season, but a fresh-legged RB could propel a midseason plodder team to the championship |
| 11 | Lamar Miller, HOU | 35 | The defense will keep games close, and Miller has the skills. The missing piece, however, is the offensive line, ranked 29th by Pro Football Focus |
| 12 | Isaiah Crowell, CLE | 34 | Cleveland has the offensive line skills, they just need to gel to put forth a top 5 back |
| 13 | Kareem Hunt, KC | 31 | Ware put Kareem Hunt concerns to rest in his first preseason showing, but keep an eye on the situation |
| 14 | Carlos Hyde, SF | 30 | Hyde came to camp motivated. A great buy-low candidate |
| 15 | Bilal Powell, NYJ | 29 | With Forte wearing down, Powell looks to be the major shareholder in the Jets’ rushing game |
| 16 | Mark Ingram, NO | 28 | Two strong seasons are being pitted against one of the best three-way back situations ever |
| 17 | Ty Montgomery, GB | 26 | Green Bay’s “main” back doesn’t have the physicality. Expect another rusher (maybe Jamal Williams) to create a 50-50 split |
| 18 | Dalvin Cook, MIN | 25 | Dalvin Cook has looked electric this preseason, despite Minnesota’s questionable line |
| 19 | Marshawn Lynch, OAK | 24 | Will look great behind that solid line until he goes out-for-season week 3 |
| 20 | LeGarette Blount, PHI | 21 | You could put Santa Claus behind that awesome O-Line and he’d rush for 1,000 yards… unless Philadelphians boo’ed him off the field, first |
| 21 | Frank Gore, SF | 18 | The Russian Roulette of fantasy football starting running backs |
| 22 | Joe Mixon, CIN | 18 | Mixon has been looking solid, but Cincinnati’s incredibly bad O-line prompts real concerns |
| 23 | Ameer Abdullah, DET | 17 | High upside, but the downside is he’s tweaked and gives you a start-or-sit headache every week |
| 24 | Paul Perkins, NYG | 16 | Hard to get excited about a ho-hum Giants’ running game, but the G-Men have shown propensity towards making Perkins a bell cow |
| 25 | Christian McCaffrey, TEN | 15 | Don’t mistake speed and skill for between-the-tackles success |
| 26 | Tevin Coleman, ATL | 15 | Good as a backup, or as a fantasy football RB3 option, Coleman finished with 11 touchdowns and over 900 yards |
| 27 | Terrence West, BAL | 14 | Well, he starts. That’s about the only thing I have to say about him |
| 28 | Danny Woodhead, BAL | 12 | The fact that he is the next guy after his teammate RB is indicative of the shared workload |
| 29 | Robert Kelley, WAS | 12 | Seems to have distanced himself from Perine, but volume might not come |
| 30 | Mike Gillislee, NE | 10 | The regular roulette of New England running backs |
| 31 | Derrick Henry, TEN | 10 | A solid handcuff for smart people, and an easy excuse to root for Murray to get injured for evil people |
| 32 | CJ Anderson, DEN | 9 | Denver’s year-end rushing leader might not even be on the team, yet |
| 33 | Doug Martin, TB | 8 | Martin’s production seems to only come in years which he has extra motivation (contract year, rookie year). This is neither of those years |
| 34 | Darren McFadden, DAL | 8 | Once we get more confirmation of his place as heir to Elliott, his value in auctions should double |
| 35 | Thomas Rawls, SEA | 5 | Seems to be the top rusher on the team with the worst-ranked offensive line |
| 36 | Duke Johnson, CLE | 4 | Might find that old pass-catching magic |
| 37 | Theo Riddick, DET | 4 | A solid touchdown option for bye weeks |
| 38 | Adrian Peterson, NO | 3 | Odds are stacked against him, but he’s beaten higher odds before |
| 39 | Jonathan Stewart, CAR | 3 | Might be the lead shareholder on the Panthers, but durability is always a concern |
| 40 | Thomas Rawls, SEA | 2 | If you want to get involved with the Seahawks’ rushing mess, go ahead, at least it will be a cheap lesson |
| 41 | James White, NE | 2 | New England’s prolific offense makes White a solid fantasy football fill-in option |
| 42 | Jamaal Williams, GB | 2 | Seems to be creeping up the Packers’ depth charts |
| 43 | Jalen Richard, OAK | 2 | Once Beast Mode inevitably dies by week 4, Richard should be in line for the most carries in Oakland |
| 44 | Samaje Perine, WAS | 1 | Looked horrible in preseason debut, but has the skills to turn it around |
| 45 | James Conner, PIT | 1 | Might be Bell’s backup, might as easily not, but that’s why he’s so cheap |
| 46 | Alvin Kamara, NO | 1 | Dark horse to emerge as the top back in the Saints top 5 offense |
| 47 | Jonathan Williams, BUF | 1 | McCoy’s untested backup, probably |
| RANK | WR | VALUE | NOTE |
| 1 | Antonio Brown, PIT | 68 | If I bet on a horse to top 3 four times in a row, and that horse catches passes for over 1,284 yards every single year… do I look that gift horse in the mouth? Do I worry about mixing metaphors? Hell, no! |
| 2 | Julio Jones, ATL | 64 | Julio Jones was heartbroken at the end of last year’s superbowl. However, Bridget Jones was heartbroken at the end of her first book, and then she found love in every subsequent installment (note: I only read ¾ of the first Bridget Jones’ novel to research this single joke, so this might not entire be accurate.) |
| 3 | Odell Beckham, Jr, NYG | 61 | Tied for both most receptions in a player’s first three seasons (Jarvis Landry) and most follicle damage done with absurd hairstyles (Katy Perry) |
| 4 | Mike Evans, TB | 55 | Evans had 12 touchdowns in 2 of his first 3 seasons, |
| 5 | Jordy Nelson, GB | 48 | Darling status is in question as midnight draws near |
| 6 | A.J. Green, CIN | 45 | Amazing skill trumps injury risk and double coverage |
| 7 | Michael Thomas, NO | 43 | Most likely to leap into fantasy football top 5 receiver status, although Brees likes to spread it around |
| 8 | Doug Baldwin, SEA | 39 | Top 10 finish in two straight years, un-sexy as hell |
| 9 | Amari Cooper, OAK | 35 | Based on third-year-breakout formula, should go nuts this year. Or maybe he keeps toiling in the “pretty good” ranks |
| 10 | Demaryius Thomas, DEN | 34 | Fantasy football production always there despite constant QB woes |
| 11 | DeAndre Hopkins, HOU | 32 | It’s utterly absurd that, “his quarterbacks are not literally the worst starting quarterback on the planet” is a selling point for a top 12 WR but, here we are |
| 12 | Dez Bryant, DAL | 32 | Either has a great year or gets hobbled and struggles |
| 13 | T.Y. Hilton, IND | 31 | Top tier skill, Luck’s question marks temper expectations |
| 14 | Michael Crabtree, OAK | 29 | Seems to be quarterback’s favorite weapon in a potent offense |
| 15 | Brandin Cooks, NE | 27 | Randy Moss comparisons are ridiculous, plus it’s suspicious how willing New Orleans was to deal with him |
| 16 | Keenan Allen, SD | 25 | Boom-or-bust. Personally, I prefer security in my fantasy football WRs, and to gamble with my RBs |
| 17 | Terrelle Pryor, WAS | 24 | Has the skills and the system, but new to playbook (and, frankly, he’s new to his position still) |
| 18 | Jarvis Landry, MIA | 23 | PPR machine still has to establish chemistry with Cutler |
| 19 | Allen Robinson, JAX | 22 | I would not invest in the Jacksonville passing game in fantasy football |
| 20 | Golden Tate, DET | 20 | Should get the production, but passing touchdowns from Stafford are always iffy |
| 21 | Stefon Diggs, MIN | 19 | Might do great, but third-year-explosion is already factored into price, so don’t expect value |
| 22 | Davante Adams, GB | 19 | James Jones and Randall Cobb were vaunted as the next great Packer WR, but… |
| 23 | Jamison Crowder, WAS | 18 | High expectations, although there are a lot of mouths to feed in the Redskins receiver core |
| 24 | Martavis Bryant, PIT | 18 | I fully expect his reinstatement, he’s already practicing with the team. Get in on this value in your early auctions |
| 25 | Alshon Jeffrey, CHI | 16 | With a decent quarterback, might be able to excel |
| 26 | Willie Snead, NO | 15 | Another third-year WR, with Brees at the helm he is all but a lock to level up |
| 27 | Larry Fitzgerald, ARI | 15 | In 2016, led league in both receptions and AARP benefits |
| 28 | Tyreek Hill, KC | 14 | Don’t invest in gadget players! |
| 29 | Kelvin Benjamin, CAR | 13 | Media tore him apart in off season, but might be worth the risk at this price |
| 30 | Devante Parker, MIA | 13 | Breakout season? Or will Cutler’s buffoonery erase all hope? |
| 31 | Eric Decker, TEN | 12 | A solid week-to-week producer on an established offense |
| 32 | Tyrell Williams , SD | 12 | Super cheap considering his skillset and the strength of his offense. Volume is a concern |
| 33 | John Brown, ARI | 11 | Already banged up in preseason, taking the shine off of one of the gems of off-season discussion |
| 34 | Emmanuel Sanders, DEN | 10 | Over 1,000 yards in three straight seasons. Another unexciting player who creates bargains at the auction table |
| 35 | DeSean Jackson, TB | 8 | Going to score two touchdowns in four game, and nothing in 12 |
| 36 | Randall Cobb, GB | 7 | This is essentially a $7 scratch-off lottery ticket: You will almost definitely lose but there’s a slight chance you won’t (hate yourself by week 4) |
| 37 | Sammy Watkins, BUF | 7 | Limping down the field with Goff trying desperately to get the ball somewhere near him? Pass |
| 38 | Pierre Garcon, SF | 7 | Reunited with Shanahan, which is the only reason he’s not in the dollar bin |
| 39 | Kenny Britt, CLE | 6 | The Rams’ best option, last year, so naturally they traded him to a team with a doodoo QB |
| 40 | Brandon Marshall, NYG | 5 | On a better offense, but getting long in the tooth |
| 41 | Donte Moncrief, IND | 5 | When he and Andrew Luck are both not injured together, he’s amazing. Not sure that will ever happen this season, though |
| 42 | Mike Wallace, BAL | 4 | Caught over 1,000 yards last year, but QB health and age make him a tough sell |
| 43 | Jeremy Maclin, BAL | 4 | I guess if you’re a Ravens fan and you must have a dude from their, Maclin has the least potential for damage |
| 44 | Adam Thielen, MIN | 3 | Huge game during last year’s fantasy footblal playoffs may be convincing people he is anything more than a cheap bye week fill-in |
| 45 | Corey Coleman, CLE | 3 | Might do big things, but it’s the Browns |
| 46 | Ted Ginn, NO | 2 | Good gamble, but he’ll be one of those things where you can’t decipher which weeks he will go off |
| 47 | Robby Anderson, NYJ | 2 | Number one wide receiver on number one worst team |
| 48 | Tyler Lockett, SEA | 2 | Injury concerns, and gadgety-ness are critical concerns |
| 49 | Sterling Shepard, NYG | 2 | Will be great if he can overcome his injury, but there’s a good chance he’ll be pushed into service way too early to fully recover |
| 50 | Mohamed Sanu, ATL | 2 | If you want a cheap piece of the Falcons’ offense, this is your best bet |
| 51 | Kenny Stills, MIA | 2 | It’s his fifth year and he’s had no fantasy-worthy seasons, but he has big play potential |
| 52 | Zay Jones, BUF | 2 | Now the best option on a rapidly-fading Bills’ passing game |
| 53 | Kenny Golladay, DET | 2 | Preseason has doubled his stock from $1 to $2 |
| 54 | J.J. Nelson, ARI | 1 | Third year guy. Good offense. That’s about it |
| 55 | Jordan Matthews, BUF | 1 | Chipped chest bone raises well-founded concerns about ability to stay on the field in 2017 |
| 56 | Marvin Jones, DET | 1 | Had a great start to 2016… might find that synchronization again |
| 57 | Rishard Matthews, TEN | 1 | Top 10 fantasy football WR last year, in what might be the biggest fluke since CJ Spiller |
| 58 | Corey Davis, TEN | 1 | Top rookie WR, proven system |
| RANK | TE | VALUE | NOTE |
| 1 | Rob Gronkowski, NE | 35 | If you like to hedge your bets, grab Dwayne Allen cheap |
| 2 | Travis Kelce, KC | 30 | Safer than Gronk, but less larger-than-life |
| 3 | Greg Olsen, CAR | 25 | Consistently finishes among the top at his position, but won’t win you weeks |
| 4 | Jimmy Graham, SEA | 17 | Might have returned to top form |
| 5 | Jordan Reed, WAS | 13 | Could win you a few weeks before he goes out for season |
| 6 | Kyle Rudolph, MIN | 8 | Last season with Vikes was more than likely a fluke, as it was his first in six years with over 500 yards |
| 7 | Cameron Brate, TB | 5 | Don’t be afraid of his rookie tight end competition |
| 8 | Delanie Walker, TEN | 5 | Steady earner, but might have peaked (he’s 33) |
| 9 | Hunter Henry, SD | 5 | Breakout candidate, but that may have already been factored into his fantasy football costs |
| 10 | Martellus Bennett, GB | 4 | Good player, good system, but Green Bay hasn’t had a good TE in years |
| 11 | Zac Ertz, PHI | 4 | With Wentz finding his feet, this could be his breakout year |
| 12 | Jack Doyle, IND | 3 | Looked good last season, and Indy trusts him enough to trade away Allen and Fleener |
| 13 | Tyler Eifert, CIN | 3 | Touchdown threat, but also injury risk |
| 14 | Jason Witten, DAL | 1 | If you just want to pay a $1 and get top 12 TE production, this is it |
| 15 | Eric Ebron, DET | 1 | Yet to live up to his top 10 draft status |
| 16 | Coby Fleener, NO | 1 | Maybe last year’s mess up was due to the new system? |
| 17 | CJ Fiedorowicz, HOU | 1 | Might click as a safety valve for Houston’s rookie QB |
| RANK | DST | VALUE |
| 1 | Denver Broncos | 2 |
| 2 | Arizona Cardinals | 2 |
| 3 | Kansas City Chiefs | 2 |
| 4 | Houston Texans | 2 |
| 5 | Pittsburgh Steelers | 1 |
| 6 | Minnesota Vikings | 1 |
| 7 | New England Patriots | 1 |
| 8 | Seattle Seahawks | 1 |
| 9 | Carolina Panthers | 1 |
| 10 | Green Bay Packers | 1 |
| 11 | Jacksonville Jaguars | 1 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Eagles | 1 |
| RANK | KICKER | VALUE |
| 1 | Justin Tucker, BAL | 1 |
| 2 | Stephen Gostkowski, NE | 1 |
| 3 | Matt Bryant, ATL | 1 |
| 4 | Mason Crosby, GB | 1 |
| 5 | Will Lutz, NO | 1 |
| 6 | Dan Bailey, DAL | 1 |
| 7 | Sebastian Janikowski, OAK | 1 |
| 8 | Dustin Hopkins, WAS | 1 |
| 9 | Chris Boswell, PIT | 1 |
| 10 | Matt Prater, DET | 1 |
| 11 | Brandon McManus, DEN | 1 |
| 12 | Ryan Succop, TEN | 1 |
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